acceptance

My brother just stopped by to do some laundry and we got sit and chat for a couple of hours. Its always nice to have him stop by.

The boys were super excited due to seeing him two days in a row.  So am I...

We got to talking about how great of a visit it was with our Aunts yesterday. He even left with the same feelings that I did. It was better than a good visit. It was great!!!

He said what I have been trying to put into words since yesterday. He felt genuinely loved and accepted!

Not that our family is all bad, however visits with other family members tend to feel judged or many times we have left feeling less than.

These two aunts in particular are not that much older than we are. The older of the two is only 8 years and a few months older than I am.  They and my mom share the same father with different mothers.

My grandmother (my aunts mother) has been the only grandmother I knew (from that side of the family) till I was a young adult prior to meeting my mom's mom for the first time (old enough to remember).

We decided to try to get together with them atleast once a month... if not more.

To no longer feel like strangers.

I told him of the anxiety I was feeling prior to arriving and how I was hoping for a HUGE snow fall to have a valid excuse to not got.

He too have noticed how I have been judged by other family members about my weight, looks, clothing, parenting. He even mentioned how he too noticed how they praised me for my mothering, told me how good I looked. How they never once asked why I ate half a cupcake in celebration for my cousins 2nd birthday, where as other aunts would have said not to eat this or that or not to wear this or that.

I woke up thins morning thinking if yesterday was actually as good as it really was... and it was... and my brother helped validate it.

Its an amazing feeling of feeling genuine love and acceptance from someone especially family.

I need to put out of my mind that not all members of my family will treat me as my in laws has. They will not look down on me. Make me feel like a 4th class citizen. Will not accept the family that Hubs and I created for ourselves.  That true. family love and accept all aspects of our lives. They might not agree or condone everything we have or will do however they will not hold a grudge based on their own judgement.

I feel a sense of lightness today. Hubs even said that he was glad to see me so happy last night and this morning when telling him all the details of our visit.

He told me that he is glad that I had a good time and even look forward to going back and spending more time with them.

I have wanted a family bond for so long and finally figured out that I have been looking in the wrong places to fill my desires. I have been looking for acceptance from Hubs family, when they couldnt even accept his decisions of life them selves. How can I feel love and acceptance from people who cant give it to their own flesh and blood?

I feel my quest for family love is nearing. I am loved by my dads family, some of my moms family, from my brothers soon to be fiance. What more can a girl ask for?

I think my  mind was put to ease a bit when I mentioned briefly that I would love to have another child. Both my aunts hesitated at first and then said that they have no idea where I find my strength from, they could not see themselves perusing TTC again after all that we have been through, yet they are willing to support us in any way that they can.

How much more love and acceptance can they show me before I truly believe them?

I need to get over all the pain and neglect that Hubs family has put me through for over 12 years. I need to realize that all family members are not evil.

Yesterday my two Aunts showed me this and I will forever be grateful!